This is quite a week for New DVD Releases! Any week that vampires take up two of the slots, look out, especially if some of those vampires are glittery and mawkish. That's right, it's Twilight: Eclipse
, ready for your teen or depressed housewife to take home and watch on permanent repeat. For the grownups, this week also sees the release of the darn decent spy flick Knight and Day
. Nic Cage and Jerry Bruckheimer team up for the meh-gical Disney's Sorcerer's Apprentice
, while Drew Barrymore and Justin Long get involved in a cross-country romance in Going the Distance
. Finally, we have Vampires Suck
, a Twilight
spoof that's so bad you actually appreciate Twilight
for its nuance. That does bite. Hey, don't forget to drop in again next Tuesday for some more great New DVD Releases!
saga rolls on with this third film adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's world-beating young adult novels. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Starting at $15.99: Up to 54% in Savings)
brings Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) into the thick of an all-out battle to take her virginity...er, I mean her life. The main foe this time is the bitter and manipulative vampire Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard), who has taken to creating an army of "newborn" vampires that begin to wreak havoc on Seattle, with destroying Bella their ultimate goal. To protect her, Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) forge a tenuous truce between the Cullen vampire family and the Quileute werewolf pack. Meanwhile, Bella's heart is a battleground, torn as it is between her impending decision to marry Edward and be turned into a vampire, and her simmering lust for Jacob--which culminates in a passionate kiss. OMG! The contest between the two for Bella's love will be temporarily put on the backburner as the newborns close in, setting the stage for a thrilling showdown. Buy Now
Once upon a time a Cruise and Diaz blockbuster would have blown up the box office. Times have changed, couches have been jumped-upon, and perceptions have been embedded. What hasn't changed is that Tom Cruise is absolutely born to be on the screen. It's his laconic charm and daredevil stuntwork that makes Knight and Day
far more deserving of eyeballs than it got in its theatrical run. What could have been a very run-of-the-mill spy movie, barely eking above the Kutcher-Heigl Killers
of the world, is elevated by the romantic energy of Cruise and Diaz, who bring old school chemistry and smile-and-a-wink derring-do to this fast-paced spy flick. Diaz is bewitchingly ditzy as Jane, an unhappy bachelorette who unwittingly becomes involved with Roy Miller (Cruise) when he uses her to ferry a piece of secret technology through airport security, then gets her booted off their flight for her own good. But when the legion of Feds after Roy--led by Agent Fitzgerald (Peter Saarsgard)--believe they're partners and conspire to get Diaz back on Roy's flight, the two are thrust together into a breathless chase around the globe. Sparks fly as flighty Jane starts to enjoy the ride. When Cruise flings himself off a bridge, you remember when men were men, and movie stars were movie stars. Definitely deserves better than it got.
In case you didn't know, building an entire film premise around a segment of the animation classic Fantasia
is something of a stretch. Such is the case withJerry Bruckheimer's The Sorcerer's Apprentice ($29.99)
, which makes Mickey Mouse human and Yen Sid into Nic Cage's Balthazar, a modern-day sorcerer and former apprentice of the legendary Merlin. Centuries ago Merlin was betrayed by his apprentices Horvath (Alfred Molina) and Morgana le Fay (Alice Krige). With the help of Veronica (Monica Bellucci), Balthazar manages to fend off Horvath and imprison him and Morgana (and, unfortunately, Veronica) inside a magical Grimhold. Centuries pass as Balthazar waits for Merlin's successor to be born so as to defeat Horvath and Morgana once and for all. That successor turns out to be geeky teenager Dave (Jay Baruchel), who wants nothing more than just to live a normal life. But when he inadvertently unleashes Horvath upon Manhattan, he decides to become Balthazar's apprentice and learn how to harness his magical gifts. Together with Balthazar he must hurry to stop Horvath before he frees Morgana and takes over the world. Buy Now
Justin Long and Drew Barrymore--once a real-life couple--draw on effortless chemistry to uplift a rom-com from standard fare to timely and charming. Going the Distance
finds 31-year-old Erin (Barrymore) in New York trying to get her journalistic career together. She runs into serial dater Garrett (Long), a band manager who has stumbled through a series of unsuccessful relationships. Hitting it off, they have a passionate rendezvous one evening, but given that Erin is returning to California in six weeks, and Garrett has just gotten out of a relationship, they mutually decide to keep it light and casual. But the best laid plans (no pun intended) fall by the wayside when over those six weeks they find themselves falling in love. When Erin has to leave, they make the painful decision to carry on a long-distance relationship. Commence endless phone calls and incessant texting, not to mention a terribly awkward attempt at phone sex. Then the loneliness, then the jealousy. It all rings true. Meanwhile, Erin's overwrought sister Corinne (Christina Applegate) and Garrett's asinine friends Dan (Charlie Day) and Box (Jason Sudeikis) are at turns supportive and protective, trying to keep Erin and Garrett from what seems like inevitable heartbreak. In the end, the simple truth is that to make any relationship work--especially a long distance one--someone is going to have to sacrifice. The only question is who?
You'd think that a spoof based on the insufferable Twilight movies would be gold, but...not so much. The lowest-rated movie of the year, Vampires Suck
is essentially every obvious joke you can make about Twilight
wrapped into...the plot of Twilight
. Plus a few oblique cultural references that might have been funny a few years ago. There's Becca (Jenn Proske, the lone bright spot with her dead-on Kristen Stewart impression), a new student in Sporks (forced to move after her mom starts dating Tiger Woods) who becomes fascinated with Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), a pale high school student whose lightning quick reflexes to shove another student in front of a car to save Becca immediately endear him to her. But matters are complicated since he's a bloodsucker, so he moves to Brazil to date Lady Gaga. Becca hangs with Jacob (Chris Riggi), a shapeshifting Chihuahua whose shirt is contractually obligated to be removed every few minutes. And so on, until Ken Jeong makes his obligatory appearance. Sounds funny, but really you'd be better off watching Twilight and making up your own jokes.