21. How can you seriously debate this? If you need a bigger ring, why don't you buy a new one? A wedding ring is how you started off as a couple - why would you try to enhance the circumstances of your 'early years'? To me, all this sounds like the great idea of people selling diamonds and jewelry to get people go back to the store again and spend some additional money. Fine with me. But without tempting people to hurt their spouse's feelings, please.

Posted at 3:16PM on Jul 5th 2008 by old(world)fsahioned

22. I am totally for the upgrade! I am so happy this topic came up because I have been ashamed to think of upgrading but it is something I have wanted to do from day one and we just celebrated our 7th anniversary! I had the most wonderful engagement! It was a total surprise, it was a silly, beautiful, romantic and a wonderful day and I will never forget those memories. However, my husband did not go shopping for a ring with any clue of my personal taste. He took his (female) work partner with him to shop for my ring which is a 1/4 carat, yellow gold ring (I am partial to white gold or platinum). She was trying to be more than a work partner and thank God he didn't feel the same way toward her. This hurt me so badly that he went by her advice, her taste, not mine. Thank God he got a new job after we got married! When somebody you loves buys you something like this, what can you say? It has been very difficult feeling grateful but disgusted at the same time and mindful of not wanting to hurt the most important person in my life with how I feel about this ring! I want an upgrade for my 10th too!

Posted at 3:23PM on Jul 5th 2008 by estherh022

23. Buy as many new rings as you can afford, and wear them on all 10 fingers and 10 toes! Just don't call them your engagement ring or your wedding ring.

I think "upgrading" is tacky.

Posted at 3:27PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Jenneifer

24. I am totally for the upgrade! I am so happy this topic came up because I have been ashamed to think of upgrading but it is something I have wanted to do from day one and we just celebrated our 7th anniversary! I had the most wonderful engagement! It was a total surprise, it was a silly, beautiful, romantic and a wonderful day and I will never forget those memories. However, my husband did not go shopping for a ring with any clue of my personal taste. He took his (female) work partner with him to shop for my ring which is a 1/4 carat, yellow gold ring (I am partial to white gold or platinum). She was trying to be more than a work partner and thank God he didn't feel the same way toward her. This hurt me so badly that he went by her advice, her taste, not mine. Thank God he got a new job after we got married! When somebody you loves buys you something like this, what can you say? It has been very difficult feeling grateful but disgusted at the same time and mindful of not wanting to hurt the most important person in my life with how I feel about this ring! I want an upgrade for my 10th too!

Posted at 3:21PM on Jul 5th 2008 by estherh022

25. Hey, if you want bigger and pricier jewelry, why not -- as long as you have a job and can pay for it. Spending out of control can create anger on the part of the person who has to pay for the other person's wishes, and can really kill love.

I know many will disagree, but I know this from clinical observations over a long time. If you have the money, fine, but consider your husband's feelings and don't pressure him if he is reluctant.

Posted at 2:10PM on Jul 6th 2008 by Frank

26. I picked out my rings with my husband at my side. I have a round cut, 1/3 carrot, white gold ring and I love it. I had no desire to flaunt what we had in the bank, and chose to be low key with the size of my diamond. Because our rings were blessed by our rector, our rings have sentimental and spritual value to us. This is a second marriage for both of us, and we have been together for 9 years this month.

Posted at 3:22PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Karen

27. I hope this is the right name and password. Some years ago a neighbor said that her husband wanted to give her a new engagement ring for their 25th wedding anniversary but that she did not want him to have to spend money that way. (He makes a lot of money!) I told her that from my point of view they had gotten engaged when they were young and she had had a small ring but now he was successful and wanted her to share in that success with a new larger ring. I told her that it was also the pride he took in being able to provide nice things in their lives. She decided to accept the ring and helped him choose it and is happy as can be. Sometimes it is best to understand that some men want to do things like buy a new ring and others do not just as some women would like a larger ring and others would not (few though, I would think LOL.) In any event, surely there are real problems in the world. Maybe hubby is into cars or vacations etc and doesn't understand jewelry. Many men do not even understand why a woman would want a real stone if the fake one looks the same. I wish you both happiness.

Posted at 3:25PM on Jul 5th 2008 by MimiAnne2

28. I can see it both ways. There's something so precious about the ring that accompanied, and symbolized your beloved's pledged devotion and commitment to your union, and it doesn't matter how small the diamond might have been, or what the ring looked like. It's the sentiment attached to that ring that counts, in my opinion. So I can see where someone wants to keep that first ring as a keepsake, and wear it proudly even if they could afford to upgrade it.

But, in my opinion, there's nothing at all wrong, or materialistic about replacing a small diamond with a larger one, upgrading a ring in other ways, changing the style as the years go by. The love and commitment is still there (hopefully) and the presence or absence of the original ring doesn't change that. In our case ( we'll be celibrating our 30th wedding anniversary in January 2009), my husband wanted to buy me a special ring, a beautiful diamond band to celebrate our 10th anniversary, and I wore that instead of my original wedding band. When our 25th anniversary rolled around, he told he wanted to give me an eternity diamond band to symbolize the nature of our commitment and love for each other. I wasn't crazy about the idea of an eternity band, figuring why have diamonds all around your finger when you can only see them in the front, but with that sentiment, how can you object? So I look at my eternity band every day on my finger, and remember the words that accompanied this gift to me from my beloved.

Posted at 3:32PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Marybird

29. Of course, DEBEERS loves people who "upgrade" -- their advertising to "get her another ring" as a symbol of your love is offensive, even disgusting. The children are not "symbols"? The house is not a "symbol"? No, the Dutch/ South African merchants of expensive trinkets think we ar a bunch of mindless twits -- are they right?

Posted at 3:51PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Frank

30. I'm torn on this one. Our 10th anniversary is coming up and I'd like something bigger ... and yet, I really love the ring I have. It is a one-of-a-kind, funky ring, designed just for me, with a matching diamond band. The setting probably wouldn't support a bigger diamond. And even if I did trade up to a larger diamond, it would be hard to get a nicer diamond, as the one I have has perfect clarity and a good color and cut as well. Sooooo ... I think I want a second diamond band instead, one that will work well with the rings I have.

Posted at 3:36PM on Jul 5th 2008 by ediemcgee

31. When we married, my husband didn't own a car and wasn't making any money because he was still a student, so I paid for our wedding rings. While I still have the small but perfect diamond I wore on our wedding day, it had to be reset at about 15 years into our marriage, so we added a ring of smaller diamonds, which gave it new and bigger look. I still love that ring, but after our children left home and my husbands income had exceeded our expectations, he bought me a lovely three stone canary ring, which represented our three daughters. It is not as comfortable as the smaller one, but it looks super and means a great deal to me. Rings are symbols, and I see them as an art form that I love to wear. It shouldn't be about the money or who buys what. If you want to get ahead in life, never, never go into debt for luxuries. Buy what you can afford, and if a small diamond isn't for you, buy a CZ and then replace it with a real diamond after you've paid for your cars and your home. Love doesn't have to be impractical. And sometimes marrying the guy with no money pays off in the long run!

Posted at 3:35PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Meg

32. Wow. This is wrong on so many levels. First, if your husband has a sentimental attachment to the ring he gave you, that should be enough reason to keep wearing it. But what's really disturbing is your attitude towards gifts! I see nothing wrong with letting you husband know you would like a bigger ring--as long as you do it with love and as long as you're genuinely not making a demand. But it's up to the giver to determine the gift, not the recipient.

Posted at 3:43PM on Jul 5th 2008 by sarahemc2

33. When my husband (at that time my future husband!)took me on a window shopping tour of engagement rings to get a feel for what I like, I had a hard time choosing. The question came up from the saleswoman, "What do you want your ring to say?" My first response was a very questioning look as if she had two heads on her shoulders then she interpreted, "What do you want people to think when they see it"? I responded with "All it needs to say is that somebody loves me".
I did choose a ring that day from an estate sale which was the prettiest ring we had ever seen. When Ken proposed, it wasn't the same ring! He told me later that he couldn't buy a ring that someone else wore and also wondered why it wasn't still on her finger; perhaps that marriage turned out bad, perhaps that ring would be bad luck. The sweetest words I ever heard him say was that I deserved a ring of my very own, a simple and timeless solitaire cut just for me. I will NEVER trade that ring or stone for anything!! It's just simply stunning. I don't care what anyone else thinks of it, it was a gift from his heart to mine. Do what you want ladies, but this ring, the one chosen just for me will always be cherished and will remain exactly the way it was presented to me.
Bernadette

Posted at 3:47PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Bernadette

34. "Don't worry about hurting your hubby?" The brainless twits who take your advice deserve the anger that comes back You have opened a whole new brand -- "Merchants of Divorce."

Posted at 3:51PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Frank

35. Am a long-time married chick who never had (or wanted) a diamond engagement ring; however we had simple, but one-of-a-kind matching wedding bands hand-made by a retired jeweler friend. We both are very sentimental about our bands and would never change them. However, over the years, to commemorate special occasions, I received several pieces of diamond jewelry, and each brings its own set of memories to the table. I suggest to the lady who wants a larger diamond, go for it....get a stunning anniversary ring. But to respect your hubby's feelings, keep your original stones, either in your original setting or have them reset into a right-hand ring so popular these days. I've had many friends who have gone this route without adding tension to their relationships.

Posted at 3:50PM on Jul 5th 2008 by MizScarlet1

36. Up graddingthe wedding rings is not Ok! The ring is a symble of you love with each other. If you grow tiered of you husband are you goning to up grade him.

It's fine for the husband to by his wife another ring to showe his love, but it should not be considered an up grade or have anything too do with the wedding ring.

Posted at 3:50PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Michael

37. "Don't be afraid of hurting your hubby?" What crap! Do you have a backchannel partnership with a divorce attorney?

Posted at 1:57PM on Jul 6th 2008 by Frank

38. That's what I'm talking about! Not only have I already upgraded the center stone of my engagement ring, but I'm looking to upgrade yet again. I think that the ring should represent the current earnings. No one will ever believe that we have prospered over the years if I keep wearing a low grade dot!

Posted at 3:55PM on Jul 5th 2008 by min. myers

39. This story is sad. Women should be happy with a simple band and NO diamond. It is supposed to be about your husband, love and committment. Not about how big the ring is. I had a friend that got upset that her man bought her a small diamond. She said he could have afforded a bigger one. The woman was lucky she got a ring at all. If I was a guy and the woman complained about the size of the ring, I would dump her. Some women put too much effort into the wedding and the ring instead of their husband and family.

Posted at 3:57PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Mary

40. The ring is symbollic. The second the ring is insufficient, so is the relationship.

Posted at 3:58PM on Jul 5th 2008 by Conscience